Tänk om det verkligen var så enkelt. Ett litet tuggummi och så blev man bara lugn och cool. Det känns som ett tema just nu inom mig. Att ta det lugnare helt enkelt. Det är svårt. För mig.
Jag känner mig rätt mycket två steg efter hela tiden. Samtidigt frågar jag mig, om det verkligen gör nåt? Vad är det som är så viktigt som du stressar upp dig för? Ibland har jag inte svaret. Det bara är som ett bubblande inom mig. Irritation. Men mest av allt. En stor ilska. Den kan komma plötsligt. När jag rannsakar mig själv varför jag blir arg, från ingenstans, så kommer svaret stress. Att jag alltid vill vara lite snabbare. Hinna med lite till. I en redan orealistiskt pressad agenda förmodligen om jag skulle fråga någon annan. Ilskan bubblar upp när jag då konstant känner mig två steg efter. Minst. Så onödigt. Så svårt att ändra på. Det handlar nog om att jobba bort bilden av sig själv, som den ständigt projekterande personen. Men det är svårt.
Jag funderar också på de olika JAGen som jag en gång i tiden läste om. FöräldraJAGet, barnJAGet och vuxenJAGet. Att vi alla har lite av alla tre varianterna i oss, men att det i olika situationer är mer eller mindre tydligt att det är en av JAGen som dominerar. I en kärleksrelation t.e.x. Jag hade en relation en gång med en kille som var som jag väldigt mycket. Vi var två barnJAG som krockade rätt ofta. Nu märker jag till min fasa att det där kommer fram ibland även i relation till barn. Till mitt styvbarn, och till mitt eget. När de blir arga blir jag arg. Inte alltid förstås. Men alltför ofta.
Men jag är åtminstone medveten om det.
16 kommentarer:
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